The accumulated effect is really taking hold. Not that I have been or felt sick as such I have had other digestion issues. They say about constipation and diarrhoea but to happen one after the other in a couple hours is the strangest of things. Once one has clears then the other comes with vengeance and also keeps me up in the middle of the night. I am now up to at least 3 months of not sleeping a whole night through.
As soon as the house starts waking up, that is my husband makes his way to the shower room I am awake and then dose until he either leaves or within an hour of his departure, at 06:30 is a little early if you at home all day. Then I go to bed and still can not settle properly, either knowing which side to best sleep on or just to get comfortable.
I have taken to having the laptop on and watching catch up TV or listening to iTunes on shuffle (which can come up with some surprising selections.) I have blogged on this already and some of the other things that I have been doing, but when you can not get comfortable or are very tired it takes on a whole new meaning.
I am thankful for people posting things on Facebook or emailing me just to break up my thoughts, which this time round have been very depressing. It does not help that my neighbour is now going for an operation - I wish her well and will be there for her as she has been there for me. I have been close to tears but this time I have actually spilt some, which is not me. I don't want to be like this and have tried to be 'brave' for everyone but sometimes it is just a step beyond what I can do alone.
I will not be able to talk to my mom and pops for the next couple of weeks, they are going on a cruise round South East Asia, I think this will be a strange thing as I have enjoyed being able to switch on my computer and within a couple of minutes my Skype rings and I have a chat with mom, either face to face or just voice. Either way it has been useful to know that they are there.
Well I have rounded the corner and will have a weekend to do stuff and full packed two weeks which I am sure will make for interesting blogging. I have lunches planned, days out, the theatre, visits from colleagues and of course more time to play on my computer.
Friday, 14 May 2010
Thursday, 13 May 2010
In sickness and in health...
Firstly, please, please, please, PLEASE, don't let my husband read this. Not that I do not want him to see what I have written it is just that it will go to his head and we all know where that will lead. I for one will not hear the end of it and I am sure he would love to trot it out at any family gathering, to anyone who will listen. Especially as it will now be in black and white for all to see.
When I was walked down the aisle by my father, over 16 years ago, and stood in front of the vicar did I really understand the enormity of what I was about to say. The oath that you say may be antiquated and have been written many centuries ago but it still holds true today, well at least for some. For richer and poorer, in sickness and health etc. may seem many miles away from the enjoyment of the day but they are very sure ideas.
Since taking my oath to love my husband, but not obey, we have had what I have always thought a partnership of understanding, even if the compromises have been something to work on.
I met my husband through a youth organisation and I really remember him through the careful introduction by a very good friend, we are still very good friends with him today. We were there for each other from the very beginning with job losses and promotions. We had the usual misunderstandings over the phone and spent a lovely summer in 'love'. It was the summer of Bryan Adams and Robin Hood - not something now I have as a flag but then it was a testament to how long we had been going out with each other. We met each others families and so on. By the Christmas we had decided to get married, date to be decided, we enjoyed being with each other enough to give it a go.
We set about raising money for house deposits and arranging the finer things like where and when we would get married. At the outset it all seemed pretty easy. We moved out of the confines of Birmingham to something a little smaller and moved to the Staffordshire town of Tamworth. The initial bedding in of living together was fraught. We would argue like cat and dog, even to the point that the neighbours complained that the noise was scaring the kids! The one true thing was that if anything was wrong or difficult we had each other.
After about four or five years of living in this semi sleepy town my husband was offered a job in near Manchester. I was at this point trying to establish myself as a contractor and was spending a lot of my time in London. The move was made and in the end my work in London had to be re-thought and I even ended up with a job in the centre of Manchester as well.
Personally I think the move was the best thing we ever did. Not only for the friends we have met, being reunited with the friend who got us together, but also we had full independence from family and friends in the Midlands that we would both run to if there something was wrong. We had to work it out for ourselves!
I know some of you are saying that you know all that, or that you would wish me to get on with it. What I have outlined is probably the usual things that go on in a marriage. The oath, the compromise, the working together and so on. No one, not in the help books or in conversation say about what the oath really means or how it works. We live in a time where people give up too easily and move on to the next relationship, the next big test. When we moved to the North West it was not even on my horizon to turn round and say I want to carry on with what I am doing in London you can go on your own. I just stuck with my husband for richer for poorer.
Now to the reason for this blog entry. The line in sickness and in health is very apt. I saw my in-laws work through their cancer battles and saw my own parents work through theirs. It must be hard for my husband to see me in such pain and discomfort. I know I am not a good patient so it must be double. Having the tables turned I really don't know how I could cope with it all.
In the past couple of months my husband has been patient beyond the requirements of anyone. Has kept his own counsel when needed and asked questions when I had none. He has made sure that I have been comfortable. He has not complained about my little extravagances or purchases. He has been a wonderful chef. He has looked after my car, even though it is not being driven. He has worked on the garden even though I have not shown the interest in what he has done as before. He is keeping the house going, even if he has complained about the increase in the phone bill and heating bill. More often than not he has shown little flashes of caring, from the gentle kiss goodnight or good morning to sitting up with me while I am trying to get comfortable to sleep. It is always the little things that mean more.
So if he does get to read this or someone does say something about this blog. I love him very much and think that he is the best friend I have ever had.
When I was walked down the aisle by my father, over 16 years ago, and stood in front of the vicar did I really understand the enormity of what I was about to say. The oath that you say may be antiquated and have been written many centuries ago but it still holds true today, well at least for some. For richer and poorer, in sickness and health etc. may seem many miles away from the enjoyment of the day but they are very sure ideas.
Since taking my oath to love my husband, but not obey, we have had what I have always thought a partnership of understanding, even if the compromises have been something to work on.
I met my husband through a youth organisation and I really remember him through the careful introduction by a very good friend, we are still very good friends with him today. We were there for each other from the very beginning with job losses and promotions. We had the usual misunderstandings over the phone and spent a lovely summer in 'love'. It was the summer of Bryan Adams and Robin Hood - not something now I have as a flag but then it was a testament to how long we had been going out with each other. We met each others families and so on. By the Christmas we had decided to get married, date to be decided, we enjoyed being with each other enough to give it a go.
We set about raising money for house deposits and arranging the finer things like where and when we would get married. At the outset it all seemed pretty easy. We moved out of the confines of Birmingham to something a little smaller and moved to the Staffordshire town of Tamworth. The initial bedding in of living together was fraught. We would argue like cat and dog, even to the point that the neighbours complained that the noise was scaring the kids! The one true thing was that if anything was wrong or difficult we had each other.
After about four or five years of living in this semi sleepy town my husband was offered a job in near Manchester. I was at this point trying to establish myself as a contractor and was spending a lot of my time in London. The move was made and in the end my work in London had to be re-thought and I even ended up with a job in the centre of Manchester as well.
Personally I think the move was the best thing we ever did. Not only for the friends we have met, being reunited with the friend who got us together, but also we had full independence from family and friends in the Midlands that we would both run to if there something was wrong. We had to work it out for ourselves!
I know some of you are saying that you know all that, or that you would wish me to get on with it. What I have outlined is probably the usual things that go on in a marriage. The oath, the compromise, the working together and so on. No one, not in the help books or in conversation say about what the oath really means or how it works. We live in a time where people give up too easily and move on to the next relationship, the next big test. When we moved to the North West it was not even on my horizon to turn round and say I want to carry on with what I am doing in London you can go on your own. I just stuck with my husband for richer for poorer.
Now to the reason for this blog entry. The line in sickness and in health is very apt. I saw my in-laws work through their cancer battles and saw my own parents work through theirs. It must be hard for my husband to see me in such pain and discomfort. I know I am not a good patient so it must be double. Having the tables turned I really don't know how I could cope with it all.
In the past couple of months my husband has been patient beyond the requirements of anyone. Has kept his own counsel when needed and asked questions when I had none. He has made sure that I have been comfortable. He has not complained about my little extravagances or purchases. He has been a wonderful chef. He has looked after my car, even though it is not being driven. He has worked on the garden even though I have not shown the interest in what he has done as before. He is keeping the house going, even if he has complained about the increase in the phone bill and heating bill. More often than not he has shown little flashes of caring, from the gentle kiss goodnight or good morning to sitting up with me while I am trying to get comfortable to sleep. It is always the little things that mean more.
So if he does get to read this or someone does say something about this blog. I love him very much and think that he is the best friend I have ever had.
Monday, 10 May 2010
General hobbies while at home
I know the following blog is not about my treatment and what is happening directly to me but it is my way of saying that I am not just lying in bed after a treatment that I am trying to keep brain active if not totally bodily active.
I am catching up on films and TV programmes as much as possible. As you will have seen in previous blogs I have found ITV iPlayer and BBC iPlayer as well as others. My latest viewing was an episode of Ultimate Force with Richard Armitage in and not forgetting Ross Kemp.
I have taken up talking books so that I don't have to hold a heavy tome for too long, with this I subscribe to Audible.co.uk - a great site if you want to follow Stephen Fry and myself with being able to do two things at once. I probably don't follow Stephen's reading list but I do listen to him. I am currently listening to Richard Armitage reading Slyvester and Venetia - both books by Georgette Heyer. I will probably keep this up after treatment to help with my journey to work and doing more walking/exercise.
I am playing around with poetry, that is reading and writing it. I will post some samples at a later date. I have even taken the step of submitting examples of my work to competitions. I am also trying to plan and write short stories and possibly expanding to something a little more substantial. Not that Elizabeth Gaskell or Jane Austen will have anything to worry about.
I am updating my knowledge of classical music by acquiring a selection of CDs on some of my favourite composers and even trying to discover others. My current selection includes Sir Edward Elgar, J S Bach, and new to the fold Sir John Tavener and have then gone a little left field I have bought Dean Martin, as a member of the Rat Pack he was a brilliant entertainer and singer.
I am still working on sorting my photo library I have not touch it since at least 2007, they get taken off the camera and put on my laptop without naming or filing them in to some sort of story. I am getting through 2008 as I type but it is a bit boring and I cannot always remember who or what the picture is of. I am working on a whole load of photos that I scanned when my grandmother died in 2007 as well, this is taking longer as I have no idea who people are and in most cases they died a long time ago.
My next thing is working on my Family History. With the help of some of my grandmothers photos and documents that she had in her possession I have managed to make some head way, but now I need to tidy up the Family Tree software and the links within of some of the family members I have found. This is going to take a lot of time and it is surprising how quickly time goes as you delving into the past. I have managed with some luck get back to 1645 or there abouts with the EVE family (my grandmothers direct family). I have even managed to link up with family on my dads side over in Canada. The big surprise is that Mom and Pops are not the first family members to sell up and head off to Australia. Of course I have been doing this for sometime I just have time now to confirm my findings and cross reference with other research done by my many cousins around the world.
If I am not found on the computer, which now seems to be strapped to my wrists, I could be found doing cross stitch. This is my next project. One of the girls at work is due to have a baby later in the year and thought that I could spend a little time doing it. I have done this project a couple of times before and it is quite straightforward. I just have to wait for the name of said baby and the date of birth so that I can put it at the bottom. Once framed it will make a nice little present.
So I have so many things that I am doing that I don't know where to start sometimes. There again if I did not have anything to do I would be bored and the phone bill would be out of this world. Most of the time I am doing more that one thing at a time, not that I would call it multi-tasking! If you have any new ideas for hobbies, books to listen to or narrators to try then just leave a comment.
I am catching up on films and TV programmes as much as possible. As you will have seen in previous blogs I have found ITV iPlayer and BBC iPlayer as well as others. My latest viewing was an episode of Ultimate Force with Richard Armitage in and not forgetting Ross Kemp.
I have taken up talking books so that I don't have to hold a heavy tome for too long, with this I subscribe to Audible.co.uk - a great site if you want to follow Stephen Fry and myself with being able to do two things at once. I probably don't follow Stephen's reading list but I do listen to him. I am currently listening to Richard Armitage reading Slyvester and Venetia - both books by Georgette Heyer. I will probably keep this up after treatment to help with my journey to work and doing more walking/exercise.
I am playing around with poetry, that is reading and writing it. I will post some samples at a later date. I have even taken the step of submitting examples of my work to competitions. I am also trying to plan and write short stories and possibly expanding to something a little more substantial. Not that Elizabeth Gaskell or Jane Austen will have anything to worry about.
I am updating my knowledge of classical music by acquiring a selection of CDs on some of my favourite composers and even trying to discover others. My current selection includes Sir Edward Elgar, J S Bach, and new to the fold Sir John Tavener and have then gone a little left field I have bought Dean Martin, as a member of the Rat Pack he was a brilliant entertainer and singer.
I am still working on sorting my photo library I have not touch it since at least 2007, they get taken off the camera and put on my laptop without naming or filing them in to some sort of story. I am getting through 2008 as I type but it is a bit boring and I cannot always remember who or what the picture is of. I am working on a whole load of photos that I scanned when my grandmother died in 2007 as well, this is taking longer as I have no idea who people are and in most cases they died a long time ago.
My next thing is working on my Family History. With the help of some of my grandmothers photos and documents that she had in her possession I have managed to make some head way, but now I need to tidy up the Family Tree software and the links within of some of the family members I have found. This is going to take a lot of time and it is surprising how quickly time goes as you delving into the past. I have managed with some luck get back to 1645 or there abouts with the EVE family (my grandmothers direct family). I have even managed to link up with family on my dads side over in Canada. The big surprise is that Mom and Pops are not the first family members to sell up and head off to Australia. Of course I have been doing this for sometime I just have time now to confirm my findings and cross reference with other research done by my many cousins around the world.
So I have so many things that I am doing that I don't know where to start sometimes. There again if I did not have anything to do I would be bored and the phone bill would be out of this world. Most of the time I am doing more that one thing at a time, not that I would call it multi-tasking! If you have any new ideas for hobbies, books to listen to or narrators to try then just leave a comment.
Sunday, 9 May 2010
Warm up to treatment
Wednesday, 5 May 2010
Due to mix up on my part I missed out on a lunch with the friend. So as a change to my diary I decided to take myself off to the cinema. A place I have not been for while. Mainly due to time and the fact that there has been very little released lately that has inspired me to hand over money.
So what was my choice for this return to the cinema. Well there was a limited choice and I thought I would try out 3D, something that I have always had problems with due in part to the glasses. As a glasses wearer it has been difficult to co-habit two pairs of glasses on your face when they are flimsy paper/card versions. Thankfully now they are robust and go over a pair of glasses with no problems. The only thing I did feel was some sort of motion sickness effects at some points.
Not that I am a film critic and I know I have certain likes and dislikes within film. I do understand that viewing films is down to personal taste. I have to be honest I was not a fan of Alice in Wonderland. I love Tim Burton and he has a habit of breathing new life into certain genres but on this occasion the saintly Johnny Depp could not help this film. Ann Hathaway was so hammy and camp I thought I was watching the wrong film. All the British acting talent was mainly through voices and minor roles. Overall it was a couple of hours in my day and something that I could have waited till was on DVD. However, all that said at least 3D is now something that will not stop me from watching a film and if it is dedicated to 3D then I will see it.
Thursday, 6 May 2010
First thing of the day was to go to the hospital for my blood test, this will determine if I am fit enough for my next treatment. She took two attempts to extract the two files of blood required. I am now bruised and marked again. I hope people don't think that I doing anything else?!
I think I should have revolving doors fitted to the front door. At lunchtime I had two colleagues from a previous office come in their lunch 'hour' to see how I was getting on. It was great to have the banter and carried on from where we left off.
Not long after they left Tesco came round and delivered my weekly shop. I can really recommend online shopping with your local supermarket. People worry about the substitutions or not having the quality that you like. So far I have had few disappointments. The only problem has been the idiot who has been doing the shopping through the website (oh, that would be me - I have so far managed to order a frying pan that was tooooooooo small. I did have to go back to the supermarket to return the pan and buy a more suitable version.)
On the back of the delivery man was another friend. She is now over 6 months from finishing her treatment from ovarian cancer. I have had great conversations about what to expect and what to expect as it goes on. We had a laugh and caught up on family things and then planned our spouses diary. I have found that some friends are just happy to get on with life as usual even with everything that is going on.
Friday, 7 May 2010
Early start as we had an early appointment at the hospital for my third treatment. We are now officially half way through.
This was a treatment that I felt for the first time. I could actually feel it enter and make its way round my body. A very strange feeling. We then went on to a local pub for a quick bite to eat.
When I got home by the evening it was taking effect, for the first time I was taking the third set of anti sickness drugs. I struggled to get to sleep and then woke up at 04:00 and struggled to get back to sleep.
Saturday, 8 May 2010
As I could not sleep I decided to make use of the time and called my Mom. We had a good chat and started planning their trip over. I was really phoning to also apologies for not sorting a Mother's Day card out for her. That it would be late arriving. I have to be honest that I was going to put my foot down and we would only have one Mother's Day and one Father's Day, but it is difficult as I have all the cards over in England in March for Mother's Day and then they have all the cards in Australia in May, plus Mom gets all the questions from friends if I would be sending her anything or if she is doing anything special for the day. The same sort of goes for Pops for Father's Day.
I had a dose and then my husband brought me up my breakfast and provisions for the day. I am still not one hundred percent, not that I was expecting to be dancing round the garden, but the accumulative effect of the drugs is taking its toll.
Managed to set up the computer to watch the F1 qualifying and catch up on other TV that I would not normally watch. By the evening I was watching Doctor Who - still not sure about the new doctor and his companion, still early days.
Due to mix up on my part I missed out on a lunch with the friend. So as a change to my diary I decided to take myself off to the cinema. A place I have not been for while. Mainly due to time and the fact that there has been very little released lately that has inspired me to hand over money.
So what was my choice for this return to the cinema. Well there was a limited choice and I thought I would try out 3D, something that I have always had problems with due in part to the glasses. As a glasses wearer it has been difficult to co-habit two pairs of glasses on your face when they are flimsy paper/card versions. Thankfully now they are robust and go over a pair of glasses with no problems. The only thing I did feel was some sort of motion sickness effects at some points.
Not that I am a film critic and I know I have certain likes and dislikes within film. I do understand that viewing films is down to personal taste. I have to be honest I was not a fan of Alice in Wonderland. I love Tim Burton and he has a habit of breathing new life into certain genres but on this occasion the saintly Johnny Depp could not help this film. Ann Hathaway was so hammy and camp I thought I was watching the wrong film. All the British acting talent was mainly through voices and minor roles. Overall it was a couple of hours in my day and something that I could have waited till was on DVD. However, all that said at least 3D is now something that will not stop me from watching a film and if it is dedicated to 3D then I will see it.
Thursday, 6 May 2010
First thing of the day was to go to the hospital for my blood test, this will determine if I am fit enough for my next treatment. She took two attempts to extract the two files of blood required. I am now bruised and marked again. I hope people don't think that I doing anything else?!
I think I should have revolving doors fitted to the front door. At lunchtime I had two colleagues from a previous office come in their lunch 'hour' to see how I was getting on. It was great to have the banter and carried on from where we left off.
Not long after they left Tesco came round and delivered my weekly shop. I can really recommend online shopping with your local supermarket. People worry about the substitutions or not having the quality that you like. So far I have had few disappointments. The only problem has been the idiot who has been doing the shopping through the website (oh, that would be me - I have so far managed to order a frying pan that was tooooooooo small. I did have to go back to the supermarket to return the pan and buy a more suitable version.)
On the back of the delivery man was another friend. She is now over 6 months from finishing her treatment from ovarian cancer. I have had great conversations about what to expect and what to expect as it goes on. We had a laugh and caught up on family things and then planned our spouses diary. I have found that some friends are just happy to get on with life as usual even with everything that is going on.
Friday, 7 May 2010
Early start as we had an early appointment at the hospital for my third treatment. We are now officially half way through.
This was a treatment that I felt for the first time. I could actually feel it enter and make its way round my body. A very strange feeling. We then went on to a local pub for a quick bite to eat.
When I got home by the evening it was taking effect, for the first time I was taking the third set of anti sickness drugs. I struggled to get to sleep and then woke up at 04:00 and struggled to get back to sleep.
Saturday, 8 May 2010
As I could not sleep I decided to make use of the time and called my Mom. We had a good chat and started planning their trip over. I was really phoning to also apologies for not sorting a Mother's Day card out for her. That it would be late arriving. I have to be honest that I was going to put my foot down and we would only have one Mother's Day and one Father's Day, but it is difficult as I have all the cards over in England in March for Mother's Day and then they have all the cards in Australia in May, plus Mom gets all the questions from friends if I would be sending her anything or if she is doing anything special for the day. The same sort of goes for Pops for Father's Day.
I had a dose and then my husband brought me up my breakfast and provisions for the day. I am still not one hundred percent, not that I was expecting to be dancing round the garden, but the accumulative effect of the drugs is taking its toll.
Managed to set up the computer to watch the F1 qualifying and catch up on other TV that I would not normally watch. By the evening I was watching Doctor Who - still not sure about the new doctor and his companion, still early days.
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