I have finally learnt the art of the afternoon nap. Simply find a good place to lie down, get comfortable with pillows, cushions and optional a covering (fleece throw my personal favourite). Put on a relaxing voice, music or simply gods orchestra. Close your eyes.
My one big tip, this is where I have been going wrong all these years, don't fight it. Just slowly let sleep be your friend. My next big tip when you wake up then get up, don't keep drifting in and out of sleep or try going back to sleep. Get up make a cup of tea, do a chore. Then do something that stimulates the brain.
Friday, 4 June 2010
Thursday, 3 June 2010
Derset Island Discs
This is a Radio 4 programme which I have as a pod-cast. Not only do they have some very good people on you also get to hear some eclectic music choices.
I will have on my desert island, full works of Shakespeare and the Bible to that I would add the complete works of Jane Austen, I can then re-re-read my favourites and finally put the character of Emma to bed (several attempts have yet to see closure).
My one luxury is a tough one based on what is on the island already and what I can get away with. But I think a trunk, like those you would take on a cruise and it would be full of clothes, jewellery, make-up. A little bit of glamour does not go amiss.
My selection of songs is as eclectic as those I have heard over recent programmes.
- Lark Ascending by Ralph Vaughan Williams - because it helps me meditate and also I can picture the Gloucestershire countryside through every bar of the music.
- Enigma Variations by Sir Edward Elgar - I could have chosen any number of Elgar pieces but this has everything. Also my pops did a programme on it and they dramatised the different pieces of music so I can visualise that when listening to it.
- It Had To Be You by Harry Connick Jr - this was played at my wedding and I had loved it before and love it still. I am a fan of Harry Connick as a musician and an actor. I have seen him several times in concert and would love to see him again.
- Suite for Cello by J S Bach - another piece of classical music that just lets me float. I could have chosen a number of other Bach pieces but this one also produces very vivid pictures for me.
- Empty Chairs At Empty Tables by Michael Ball from Les Miserables - one of my favourite musicals and this just gets to the heart of the story for me.
- Tainted Love (12" mix) by Soft Cell - takes me back to every disco and nightclub I went to in the 80's, the soundtrack to my youth. I could again choose many other tracks but this is an iconic song.
- Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy by The Andrew Sisters - I also like the Bette Midler version but I want the feeling of the war, just remember what so many did for freedom.
- Well, Did You Ever by Crosby and Sinatra from High Society - the transfer from old school to the Rat Pack. Again it just has some lovely word pictures.
Now I have to have one piece that would save over the others and that would be the Lark Ascending.
Not funny
I am now not laughing. Everyone says that I am so brave, can I be very honest. I am not brave!! I am scared. I am sore. I am uncomfortable. I am tired. I am just plain fed up.
Please don't write back and make some comment about this. The fact is I have off days and yesterday was a real off day. I want to moan. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to sleep. With all the comments people have made I feel that I cannot do any of these things as I would be letting the side down.
Well here I go, to bed to feel very sorry for myself on my own. I don't want to let the side down so I will be doing it in private.
Normal service will resume when I am feeling human. This could be a day or more, but I assure you I will be back, hopefully better than ever.
Written at 21:37 2nd June 2010
Please don't write back and make some comment about this. The fact is I have off days and yesterday was a real off day. I want to moan. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to sleep. With all the comments people have made I feel that I cannot do any of these things as I would be letting the side down.
Well here I go, to bed to feel very sorry for myself on my own. I don't want to let the side down so I will be doing it in private.
Normal service will resume when I am feeling human. This could be a day or more, but I assure you I will be back, hopefully better than ever.
Written at 21:37 2nd June 2010
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
Poetry corner
I am not a poet but I like to have a go.
I asked a friend to give me a theme and some words to put in a poem. Here is one of my attempts.
A GIRLS NIGHT OUT
What to wear on a girls night out
Kitten, stiletto or wedge heel
What to wear on a girls night out
Handbags of glittering teal
In the bars and clubs
Groups of girls gather
In the bars and clubs
With glitz and glamour
In a cloud of laughter
They dance, chat and drink
In a cloud of laughter
They gossip, flirt and wink
The secret of a girls night out
Heels, glitter and dressing up
The secret of a girls night out
Dancing, drinking and chatting up
I asked a friend to give me a theme and some words to put in a poem. Here is one of my attempts.
A GIRLS NIGHT OUT
What to wear on a girls night out
Kitten, stiletto or wedge heel
What to wear on a girls night out
Handbags of glittering teal
In the bars and clubs
Groups of girls gather
In the bars and clubs
With glitz and glamour
In a cloud of laughter
They dance, chat and drink
In a cloud of laughter
They gossip, flirt and wink
The secret of a girls night out
Heels, glitter and dressing up
The secret of a girls night out
Dancing, drinking and chatting up
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
Treatment number four
Well the back has been broken, I am now officially on the other side of the treatment treadmill and on the way down.
Today I saw my Oncologist. OMG (oh my God - for those not used to text speak) I am doctors pet. He was really pleased with my progress, the fact that the side effects are not as bad as they could be and those that were the worse were aggravated by the anti-sickness drugs. He talked me through phase two and the change of drug, not forgetting the change in side effects. He was optimistic about the chances that it will be more of the same. No major problems other than from the anti-sickness drugs. There would be some side effects not felt from the previous drugs and this could include joint pain.
After my meeting we met up with the Macmillan Nurse to give her an update and organise my fitting for the prosthetic.
Then went to the CANtreat centre and waited to be called. The centre is a wonderful place. A hospital but not. We have the usual panic buttons and some hospital beds in the corner, the big difference is the comfortable chairs for the patient and a side chair for visitors, we have a table to place drinks &c on. The nurses have some wheeled chairs so they can move from patient to patient. There is always animated chatter between the nursing staff, patients and visitors alike. While we are there volunteers come round with newspapers, magazines, teas, coffees and biscuits. If you are still there at lunch time we even get a selection of sandwiches (that should be just for the patients!).
Change of drug. So in with the saline solution, add to it the anti-sickness drug, follow by new drug and then flush with saline solution. Total time nearly one and half hours in the chair.
Discussion with the nurse about arranging for the District Nurse to come and administer an injection for the next day. Also the nurses checks on how things are going and if there is anything else that is required. She also goes through all the drugs that I have take home and when to take them. As you can imagine this can take some time with at least three sets of anti-sickness drugs.
Once I have finished it is a quick trip to the reception to make an appointment for my next treatment.
Side effects?!
Thankfully all the tummy side effects have not kicked in,YET!? However, the joint pain and discomfort is impossible. I have spent most of the night tossing and turning as I can not get comfortable. Then when I do I have odd sound effects in my ears, something akin to sleeping underwater. I now it is only passing but it really is annoying.
Today I saw my Oncologist. OMG (oh my God - for those not used to text speak) I am doctors pet. He was really pleased with my progress, the fact that the side effects are not as bad as they could be and those that were the worse were aggravated by the anti-sickness drugs. He talked me through phase two and the change of drug, not forgetting the change in side effects. He was optimistic about the chances that it will be more of the same. No major problems other than from the anti-sickness drugs. There would be some side effects not felt from the previous drugs and this could include joint pain.
After my meeting we met up with the Macmillan Nurse to give her an update and organise my fitting for the prosthetic.
Then went to the CANtreat centre and waited to be called. The centre is a wonderful place. A hospital but not. We have the usual panic buttons and some hospital beds in the corner, the big difference is the comfortable chairs for the patient and a side chair for visitors, we have a table to place drinks &c on. The nurses have some wheeled chairs so they can move from patient to patient. There is always animated chatter between the nursing staff, patients and visitors alike. While we are there volunteers come round with newspapers, magazines, teas, coffees and biscuits. If you are still there at lunch time we even get a selection of sandwiches (that should be just for the patients!).
Change of drug. So in with the saline solution, add to it the anti-sickness drug, follow by new drug and then flush with saline solution. Total time nearly one and half hours in the chair.
Discussion with the nurse about arranging for the District Nurse to come and administer an injection for the next day. Also the nurses checks on how things are going and if there is anything else that is required. She also goes through all the drugs that I have take home and when to take them. As you can imagine this can take some time with at least three sets of anti-sickness drugs.
Once I have finished it is a quick trip to the reception to make an appointment for my next treatment.
Side effects?!
Thankfully all the tummy side effects have not kicked in,YET!? However, the joint pain and discomfort is impossible. I have spent most of the night tossing and turning as I can not get comfortable. Then when I do I have odd sound effects in my ears, something akin to sleeping underwater. I now it is only passing but it really is annoying.
Monday, 31 May 2010
Feet not touched the ground
I have had another very busy week and this one started with a bang and carried on to treatment day. One thing I have tried to do is carry on as normal where possible. This on occasions has been difficult but I am always up for a challenge, but I have yet to learn when my body is ready to say no more.
Saturday, 22nd May
Today was one of those days that I could be myself and carry on as though nothing had changed. I was off to an event I had not been to for a while and see friends I had not seen for at least a year. I was going to a PowerTalk International council meeting. Some workshops and of course the business meeting/AGM. A great day was had by this delegate and I even learnt something, which is always a bonus. There were some new members who I had not met before. I am now looking forward to next years meetings and doing the same. I even got up and had my say in both the workshops and the AGM.
This was followed by being picked up by my husband and went off to some friends to help celebrate a birthday. They were putting on a B-B-Q. So it was Burgers and Snags (sausages) all round. Early to bed, just beating the little man to bed. Kids are great, there was not comments on the lose of hair or the strange shape of body without the prosthetic. Wish we could all be like that. My only comment about the evening was that it was too hot. I struggled to sleep due to the heat, and then my husband decided that he could not sleep down stairs and joined me, first time we have shared a bed since the operation.
Sunday, 23rd May
Not quite the early morning I expecting when the curtain fell off the window, up with the birds is one thing but up when you hosts rig the curtain is another thing. Still we trooped down stairs and started playing on the Wii, it got quite competitive at one point and had to be stopped so we could get ready to go to the pub for lunch. A nice roast lunch and conversation extending the birthday party a little.
Monday, 24th May
My body is now rebelling and I am rebelling, I am shattered but I don't want to be beaten. Saying that the newly covered sofa is calling me and recorded items have to watched. No I have to go and get some cushions. Off to John Lewis and the purchase of four cushions for the sofa. They look fabulous.
Tuesday, 25th May
Duvet day at last. I have a very important thing to watch. Richard Armitage in Chris Ryan's: Strike Back. I also have to record it for a friend, who does not have Sky One. Brilliant programme, another DVD for my collection me thinks. I am just happy with the ending, I hope they make a new series to finish it off nicely, but I know what these programme makes are like and would like us just use our imaginations.
Wednesday, 26th May
Started off the day as all days should start on the beauticians bed having a facial. Relaxing and invigorating at the same time.
Once home had a text from a friend who is free for lunch and so it was with my face on and my glad rags that I drove into Manchester and met up with so old work colleagues. Had a good chat and then went to the office to those that could not make it to the lunch but were still in the office. Everyone was eager to know my news and say that I looked so well. This all sounds so well and good, but when you feel so knackered that you could just curl up under a desk and go to sleep it is not always welcome.
Suddenly realised that my parking ticket was about to expire so I left and moved the car to another car park. Made my way to Waterstone's and did a little more shopping. I then settled myself in a Starbucks and put pen to paper and now starting a more detailed version of events for a possible book (see Bucket List).
Met up with friend for our pre-theatre dinner. We decided to go to Cafe Instanbul on Bridge Street, Manchester. On arrival she told that this was her second Turkish meal of the day, as her boss had taken the office out to another Turkish restaurant on Deansgate. Still we both enjoyed our meal and nearly forgot about the time until my alarm went off and we suddenly realised we had to get to the theatre.
We arrived at the theatre with some time to spare. We collected our tickets from the box office and changed our arranged for the final production as part of our season tickets at the Royal Exchange. Today's production was Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw. I had forgotten how witty it was and the wonderful dialogue, some of which we do see in My Fair Lady but it is usually then interrupted by a song or missed out completely. The girl, Cush Jumbo, was brilliant. The rest of the cast was good too. As always a good production in the round.
I even got home before my husband, who was also out with a friend to see Robin Hood, with Russell Crowe.
Thursday, 27th May
Another day of out and about. Firstly it was a quick trip to the hospital for my pre-treatment bloods to be taken. I was picked up and would be chauffeured all day. Following the hospital we then went to pick up another friend and went to the Lowry Outlet Centre for my important shopping and also for a Birthday lunch. Some items were purchased and we decided on the Italian restaurant for a change.
I was then dropped off home for a couple of hours rest and recuperation before getting ready for my next car to arrive and be whisked off to Manchester again. Tonight was Orators and I was taking on the role of Topics Master. A good night was had by all and I enjoyed just doing the normal week by week diary of events that I had before all this happened. Of course it is not the same but there again will ever be. I had a quick chat with some of the members and networked with some of the guests. Got home and went straight to bed. God knows how I will feel tomorrow!
Saturday, 22nd May
Today was one of those days that I could be myself and carry on as though nothing had changed. I was off to an event I had not been to for a while and see friends I had not seen for at least a year. I was going to a PowerTalk International council meeting. Some workshops and of course the business meeting/AGM. A great day was had by this delegate and I even learnt something, which is always a bonus. There were some new members who I had not met before. I am now looking forward to next years meetings and doing the same. I even got up and had my say in both the workshops and the AGM.
This was followed by being picked up by my husband and went off to some friends to help celebrate a birthday. They were putting on a B-B-Q. So it was Burgers and Snags (sausages) all round. Early to bed, just beating the little man to bed. Kids are great, there was not comments on the lose of hair or the strange shape of body without the prosthetic. Wish we could all be like that. My only comment about the evening was that it was too hot. I struggled to sleep due to the heat, and then my husband decided that he could not sleep down stairs and joined me, first time we have shared a bed since the operation.
Sunday, 23rd May
Not quite the early morning I expecting when the curtain fell off the window, up with the birds is one thing but up when you hosts rig the curtain is another thing. Still we trooped down stairs and started playing on the Wii, it got quite competitive at one point and had to be stopped so we could get ready to go to the pub for lunch. A nice roast lunch and conversation extending the birthday party a little.
Monday, 24th May
My body is now rebelling and I am rebelling, I am shattered but I don't want to be beaten. Saying that the newly covered sofa is calling me and recorded items have to watched. No I have to go and get some cushions. Off to John Lewis and the purchase of four cushions for the sofa. They look fabulous.
Tuesday, 25th May
Duvet day at last. I have a very important thing to watch. Richard Armitage in Chris Ryan's: Strike Back. I also have to record it for a friend, who does not have Sky One. Brilliant programme, another DVD for my collection me thinks. I am just happy with the ending, I hope they make a new series to finish it off nicely, but I know what these programme makes are like and would like us just use our imaginations.
Wednesday, 26th May
Started off the day as all days should start on the beauticians bed having a facial. Relaxing and invigorating at the same time.
Once home had a text from a friend who is free for lunch and so it was with my face on and my glad rags that I drove into Manchester and met up with so old work colleagues. Had a good chat and then went to the office to those that could not make it to the lunch but were still in the office. Everyone was eager to know my news and say that I looked so well. This all sounds so well and good, but when you feel so knackered that you could just curl up under a desk and go to sleep it is not always welcome.
Suddenly realised that my parking ticket was about to expire so I left and moved the car to another car park. Made my way to Waterstone's and did a little more shopping. I then settled myself in a Starbucks and put pen to paper and now starting a more detailed version of events for a possible book (see Bucket List).
Met up with friend for our pre-theatre dinner. We decided to go to Cafe Instanbul on Bridge Street, Manchester. On arrival she told that this was her second Turkish meal of the day, as her boss had taken the office out to another Turkish restaurant on Deansgate. Still we both enjoyed our meal and nearly forgot about the time until my alarm went off and we suddenly realised we had to get to the theatre.
We arrived at the theatre with some time to spare. We collected our tickets from the box office and changed our arranged for the final production as part of our season tickets at the Royal Exchange. Today's production was Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw. I had forgotten how witty it was and the wonderful dialogue, some of which we do see in My Fair Lady but it is usually then interrupted by a song or missed out completely. The girl, Cush Jumbo, was brilliant. The rest of the cast was good too. As always a good production in the round.
I even got home before my husband, who was also out with a friend to see Robin Hood, with Russell Crowe.
Thursday, 27th May
Another day of out and about. Firstly it was a quick trip to the hospital for my pre-treatment bloods to be taken. I was picked up and would be chauffeured all day. Following the hospital we then went to pick up another friend and went to the Lowry Outlet Centre for my important shopping and also for a Birthday lunch. Some items were purchased and we decided on the Italian restaurant for a change.
I was then dropped off home for a couple of hours rest and recuperation before getting ready for my next car to arrive and be whisked off to Manchester again. Tonight was Orators and I was taking on the role of Topics Master. A good night was had by all and I enjoyed just doing the normal week by week diary of events that I had before all this happened. Of course it is not the same but there again will ever be. I had a quick chat with some of the members and networked with some of the guests. Got home and went straight to bed. God knows how I will feel tomorrow!
Sunday, 30 May 2010
Bucket List
Several times since my diagnosis I have ideas of putting a bucket list together. As yet I have not put one together but I have been thinking about it. There are no places really in the world I would like to visit as I have been very luck and travelled extensively. However, there are places in England and the UK that I have not been to and would like to see. As far as goals I have not really thought about that until now and they are starting to get into sharp focus. In no particular order:
- Get published - book, article, short story, poem anything as long as it is in a widely circulated or read periodical, one or all would be nice.
- Get some more qualifications - hopefully up to degree level, just prove that I do have a brain, though at the moment that is up for debate.
- Complete my Gold Advanced Communicator with Toastmasters - I have completed two speeches only another eight to do, I could then move on to my DTM.
- Be an extra on a film or TV programme.
- I know I said that travelling was not high priority but there a few experiences that would be nice:
- Las Vegas, just to people watch not to gamble but I would put at least $10 on 13 and 31.
- Go safari in Africa - as they shoot the big five (with a camera).
- See the Pyramids, Egypt - as part of a Nile Cruise (the only way to travel), as long as it does not end in Death on the Nile.
- Sleep on a train in a sleeper car - Orient Express from London to Venice, Rocky Mountaineer, Indian Pacific from Perth to Sydney take your pick.
- See the Northern Lights.
- Be an ambassador for a cause - ones close to my heart are Cancer and Dyslexia.
This is list will be added to I am sure. I have not included goals for work. As things are completed I am sure other ideas will pop into my head. Other things just can not be done as the reasons behind them are obsolete, for example going to New York by Concorde or the Queen Elizabeth II, but I do have the Queen Mary II. If you think there is something that I should be putting on my bucket list please let me know.
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